I became a member of the club no one wants to be in on November 4th, 2000.
My son Markus was on his way to work on a rainy day driving his Datsun 240Z. The car lost traction, spun and hit a fence pole.
Currently I am living my best life, however the path has been difficult. Below are some observations, lessons etc I have learned along the way. There were some paths available early on I wish I had taken and some, nobody should take no matter how tempting. It is my hope that they will help you, a loved fellow club member, on your journey.
When one becomes a member of this club, most become broken emotionally and physically. They are as vulnerable as a newborn baby.
As a newborn baby in an adult body, it is a time to learn new truths and beliefs about how God and the universe really works.
Contrary to popular belief there is a word for the loss of a child. It is Vilomah which means "against a natural order" The origins of Vilomah are from Sanskrit which is the sacred language we got widow from.
Beliefs and faith will be tested to the limits.
You may see and experience things very contrary to popular belief. Just like the word Vilomah the things seen and experienced have been kept from us. They are real and there is plenty of scientific and circumstantial evidence proving this.
Marriage
Many marriages fall apart after the loss of a child. Mine did. If married this is a time to really hold true to the part in the wedding vows where it says something like” what God has brought together let no man tear apart” It’s up to the couple to hold true to this, “The man” whoever that is won’t. It’s not your fault. It’s proven scientifically and I have found and seen enough circumstantial evidence that it is known when we arrive and when we leave our bodies. Markus gave away his beloved cat, favorite chess board and other stuff in the weeks before the accident.
God
It’s OK to be mad at God. I overheard people questioning if God was punishing me for my wrong doings. I wondered myself. He wasn’t, it is a distorted version of how God really works. Later I got mad at God for letting this happen. Better than the other but that is not how God really works. There is enough scientific and circumstantial evidence to prove otherwise.
The Grief Guilt and Fear Cartel:
Lots of people gain control of grieving parents' minds, make lots of money and don’t stop until they run out of money or are dead themselves.
Markus sketched a rose on notebook paper before he transitioned, which 23 years later became a beautiful sculpture. It has brought a lot of peace and joy to many people. It has helped people ask good questions on many topics.
However as of this writing not a single organization involved in the grief business has had any interest in the rose. Click this for a link to some of the documentation
If I had a do over, I would only seek advice from a counselor who has experienced the loss of a child. Would you take music lessons from someone who has never played or sang?
In order to heal so we can Live Laugh and Love again or maybe even for the first time a person needs to understand that it comes from within us.